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PNS .nya.nko 2015.04.01 News
Washington (CP) – New Yorkers gathered en masse near Manhattan’s Battery Park to puzzle over the sudden appearance of a 170 meter tall cat-like sculpture dwarfing the nearby Statue of Liberty.
While the building of this monolith does not appear to be politically motivated, the NYPD stressed that it is “really really weird” and “kinda freaking people out.” The police press bureau confirmed that the only clue produced by early investigation into the origin of this monolith is a small plaque on the big toe reading “Sexy Legs”. While neither the White House nor the offices of the mayor could be reached for comment at time of press, a reliable source has confirmed that the FBI is inquiring into the involvement of a mysterious foreign organization known as “PONOS.”
Known for their activities in the field of technology, PONOS made headlines earlier this month after their hybrid cat-military simulation software The Battle Cats was confirmed to have been downloaded on 17.5 million devices worldwide. In addition, leaked State Department documents appeared to give support to rumors that The Battle Cats is currently being used by several Fortune 500 CEOs and at least three heads of state. Independent investigation by this reporter has confirmed the clear facial resemblance between PONOS’ iconic felines and this bizarre creation in the heart of America’s largest city.
The unexpected appearance of this guerilla art installation appeared to delight tourists to the city, with one enthusiastic visitor from central Asia asking about the new attraction, “Very nice! How much?” Meanwhile, area residents appeared to have mixed reaction by the enormous new presence disrupting New York’s famous skyline. “Yeah, sure, I seen the cat,” said unimpressed Jersey City resident Aaron Sanchez, 34. “Big deal. Probably just more of that Banksy noise. Guess modern art just isn’t my thing, you hear me?” Brooklyn-area realtor Lauren Chambers spoke highly of the Cat-thing, however, saying, “There’s just something about it’s that makes me feel like everything’s going to be okay. I can’t help but want to hold it and pet it and help it conquer vast regions of the globe.” Upon making this statement, a confused look appeared to cross Ms. Chambers’ face before she abruptly walked away from the interview.
It is unknown if this strange monument is an isolated event, or if it has any connection to unsubstantiated reports of cat-whale hybrids spotted in the Indian Ocean or the flocks of winged felines terrorizing hikers in the Andes. For now, we can only wait and see what connection these events may have to PONOS, and hope that this adorable enigma are simply a gesture of love and peace to mankind by a group of well-meaning weirdos.
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